The dread of being in a close emotional or physical connection is known as the fear of intimacy, which is also occasionally referred to as intimacy avoidance or avoidance anxiety. People who have this anxiety commonly push other people away or even ruin relationships even though they don’t typically want to avoid contact and may even yearn for closeness.
Intimacy: definition and types
With regards to the sensation of closeness and connection, intimacy is the capacity to honestly reveal your true self with another individual. Some define several forms of intimacy, such as:
- Intellectual: the capability to communicate your ideas and views to others
- Emotional: The capability to communicate your deepest emotions to another
- Sexuality: The capability to engage in sexual activity.
- Experiential: The capability to relate experiences to others
- Spiritual: The capability to communicate your faith in a higher power, your individual connection to other people, or your worldview
One or more of these types of closeness may be involved with the fear of intimacy to varying degrees.
Meaning of fear of intimacy
Although the two can be closely related, the fear of intimacy is distinct from the fear of vulnerability. At first, a person who has a fear of intimacy may feel at ease being open and honest with others, but there are frequent boundaries to how vulnerable they will let themselves be.
How to Recognize Intimacy Issues?
- Keep an eye out for any of the following in yourself that can point to a fear of intimacy:
- An inability to communicate with the people in your life what you need and want
- Avoiding or having poor communication on difficult subjects in your relationships
- Having issues entrusting your partner with key decisions or matters
- An unwillingness to discuss your objectives or dreams
- Deliberately ruining relationships once you start to feel a connection with the other person
- Avoiding physical intimacy with your companion
- Not acting impulsively or daringly in the bedroom
Causes
For many people, the fear of intimacy is rooted in thoughts of abandonment, engulfment, and, ultimately, a fear of loss. These anxieties can coexist. Despite the fact that the anxieties are distinct from one another, they both lead to actions that alternately draw the partner closer and then push them away once more.
These anxieties are typically brought on by past childhood trauma and sparked by the present-day dynamics of adult relationships, which can be confusing if one only considers the relationship in the context of the here and now. Anxiety disorders can also be associated with a fear of intimacy.
Fear of Being Abandoned
Those who experience abandonment anxiety fear that their lover may walk out on them. This anxiety frequently develops after an encounter with a parent or other significant adult figure. This anxiety is frequently brought on by the experience of having been emotionally or physically abandoned as a young kid by a parent or other significant adult figure.
Fear of Engulfment
People who fear engulfment worry about being in control, being the center of attention, or “losing oneself” in a partnership; this worry is sometimes a result of having grown up in a close-knit family.
Anxiety Disorders
Intimacy anxiety can also be a symptom of social anxiety or social phobia. According to some specialists, these illnesses include a subgroup of intimacy anxiety.
People who are fearful of being judged, criticized, or rejected by others are more inclined to avoid developing close, personal relationships. Additionally, the fear of closeness may be accompanied by some specific phobias, including the dread of touch.
Others, meanwhile, may feel at ease in more superficial social settings and have a large number of acquaintances and “friends” on social media, but they may not have any close, intimate relationships.
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Treatment
To overcome a phobia of intimacy, professional assistance is frequently needed, especially if the fear is based on difficult earlier experiences. A therapeutic rapport, mutual respect, and trust are crucial to the healing process, so choose your therapist wisely. Before you find a good fit, you might need to try out a few therapists.
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Your therapist can assist you in creating a series of tiny actions to progressively overcome your anxiety and in helping you come to grips with any previous or present circumstances that are obscuring the issue.
Numerous persons with a fear of intimacy often struggle with depression, substance abuse, and anxiety disorders, which require treatment as well. With these particular issues, a therapist can help.
Does your partner have intimacy issues?
You’ll need to learn tolerance if your loved one is battling a fear of intimacy. Setbacks are completely expected and natural. It’s crucial to build safety and trust before your loved one may start opening up.
As you consider your partner’s actions and words, keep in mind their fear of desertion, rejection, or engulfment. Their upbringing could lead someone to perceive an event entirely differently than you would.
For instance, telling your spouse “we are going on a trip” unexpectedly may not be a kind and pleasant surprise at all if they are suffering from a fear of engulfment as a result of growing up in an enmeshed family. Instead, it may serve to reinforce their fear of being controlled. Instead, it could be seen as more loving to give your partner clear options and ensure that they are involved in all decisions.
It’s crucial to frequently express your affection in both words and deeds. Never presume that your partner “feels” loved. Instead, foster an atmosphere that validates their claim to merit it. Most crucial, let your spouse know that overcoming the fear requires cooperation from both of you.